"I Could Have Spoken Up" by Gavin Howley

Sitting in the passenger seat. The usual place to feel awkward and uncomfortable. She drove. The silence felt agonizing but it probably wasn’t. She seemed to like me? I guess? I mean, she kept asking me out for after-work walks, probably only due to the anxiety level that naturally builds up during the work day. She would have walked anyway. Nothing to do with me.

Plus she liked to have someone along when she ate. She did think I was funny. I do get that a lot. “You’re hilarious,” or some version thereof.

But did it “mean” anything? I mean I could have spoken up at any time. I was convinced I was “in love” with her, whateverthefuck I thought THAT meant.

But she did seem to enjoy my company, so obviously there was something off about her...

How the hell do you even initiate that question?

“Hey, so um, I ‘like’ you...”

“Oh I really like you too!” she says, very quickly and enthusiastically, “you’re SO great to talk to and I LOVE our walks! You’re such a great friend!”

Oh well. There ya have it. It’s ok I’m basically a spinster at this point. I wear sweaters. I tuck my shirt in. I have concerns about belts and socks. That’s ok. It happens.