"I'm Not Sure Where It's Going" by Matt

There was that X-Files episode, where the antagonist would “push” people’s perception. He walked through a hospital with a piece of tape on his shirt that said “nurse” and to everyone he encountered, he was perceived as a nurse. Don’t remember what he was up to, surely no good, but ever since seeing that show I think about “pushing.”

How much do you strain to create a reality or... restrain yourself and let events happen? Some of the most irritating and famous just push push push. Pushing into a persona not earned through action, compassion, acuity, skillfulness. Push push push to be rich, to be most handsome, to be the name on the university stadium. Push push push to the front of the line.

I seldom push. I’m content that way. What would I push for if I knew where it was going? And now, oxymoronically, I am my own pusher, pushing towards an unknown, must-be-better-reality. Pushing for a life free of the bullshit lie that we actually know where it is going.