"I Am Considering It" by Nellie W.

We had a long talk. There were many suggestions about how one may buy icecream for your inner child. How not to be defined by a lover or a disability or an excuse. It may be time to learn how to breathe again, and move, and enjoy. It may be time to claim myself or get a job, or head for the hills. I already quit my job, paid my rent, and someone is watching the dog. The sky is indeterminate grey. Like a photosynthesizing protist, I need both the dark and the light, and the grey feels like a roof that is caving in on its own weight. I have never experienced seasonal affective disorder in Summer. This is where the literatures of childhood come from, a grey sky mirthless, leaden, and unending. This is where the hero’s journey’s setting out point may be. I have written to one of the inquiries. I have started another. I had all day, and my skin was cold. Zanner asked if I had considered putting on pants. I like to complain of the cold. I spent the whole day my host was at work being cold, and letting the intrusive thoughts gurgle like the lurgy. Pants. Another sweater. Existential reality and a different vantage point. Yeah, I am considering it.