"Nimrod" by Rover

I had to ask,

just like nuclei,

quarks, or things on the infinitesimally small plain of existence,

A question unobserved is both real and here, and not real and gone.

I feel that I may be cursed to live as Nimrod,

to speak, only to be understood by the one and only one who also speaks with identical observer affect,

my harp shaped bow pulls and strains until my arrow is leased upon my game,

strings and sinew push and pull in through atomic dark matter

the empty space inside all things to keep a cosmic balance,

the strong nuclear force, forced apart and separated

atoms pushing against each other, separated by electrons,

through photons we can see the wood for the trees,

watching it followed now by blood through the breeze.

dark matter fills all voids, the question of this dark matter kills all light,

I blink in and out of existence,

my malformed electra complex evolved through enmeshment to a bizarre reverse solipsism.

when your eyes close I disappear,

when I asked I knew it was a road best left untraveled,

but like a downward escalator it's hard to step off

once you've committed yourself to stepping your measured hundredweight and penny pounds

now on the d'escalator, deflated, I tend escalate and inflate to fight shadows, shoes and demons of the past

some questions are sometimes best left unanswered,

but there is a different kind of one at play here.

one that when uncovered will destroy all,

yet, it is this answer that must be spoken, for the destruction is nothing compared to armageddon,

we cannot exist in schrodinger's nothingness

pretending the vial won't break doesn't solve the radioactive pit and pendulum problem

mood managers can only hold back the levy as long as the levy doesn't have the weight of my world in it,

I bare a wildfire that will freeze the blood of all of those in its wake as i stray further from the one i always wanted to be,

the boy who picked up snails to put them safely on some leaves, late to school for befriending some swans.

the more pounds of flesh I lost the more the undeveloped inner childs rotting corpse is exposed, hanging from my gut like evisceration

the secrets held from transform me,

I,

no longer man but beast, lashing out at itself,

biting and scratching gnawing on his own limbs a rabid creature pulling at its own fur,

i had the worst life said my ex, it is the badge of shame and honor i wear pinned through my chest,

CPTSD plays pictures in mind, cycles the lies and memories around my brain

until I am only the result of trespass and trespassees,

safer for those who love him to do so from afar,

A left and lost boy